How quickly the internet world erupts. I wanted to wait this last explosion out to see what the outcome would be. I am referring to the mother, Mrs. Hall who wrote a blog post to teenage girls regarding the pictures they post of themselves on social media. Although many of my friends had posted her link on their FB page, I mostly ignored it because I currently do not have teenage girls and I tend to mostly read articles that have to do with raising babies and toddlers. Before reading her post though, I was drawn to another blog that was more of a spoof or sarcastic reply to Mrs. Hall's. After reading that post, I had to go back and look into what all the fuss was about. I applaud Mrs. Hall for having the courage to sit down with her children and teach them about what is appropriate and inappropriate on the internet.
I spent way too much time reading the comments she received and I grew increasingly more and more frustrated with all the backlash she was receiving for being a "PARENT." It seems that we have forgotten what the role of a parent is in this world. We are not here to be our child's best friend or laugh together over provocative photos of their classmates. We are here to teach them about virtue, honesty, responsibility, how to make appropriate and upstanding decisions, and a host of other choices. In one comment, Mrs. Hall was referred to as a Helicopter Parent and that she should be shamed for being such. What parent out there would consider throwing their young child into the deep end of the pool and expect them to save themselves from drowning without providing proper lessons? The internet is a vast ocean of information and photos. A child cannot enter this new and exciting online world without the guidance of their parents, teachers or loved ones.
We spend vast amounts of time and money bringing children to soccer practice, swim lessons, dance lessons, schooling, but when it comes to regulating our children's online habits, many choose to step back and say, "They need the chance to explore and make mistakes. That's the only way they will learn." It takes courage to be a parent and to guide children on a matter as sensitive as their sexuality and how it relates to what they may encounter online. It is not an easy subject to broach, so many just choose to say, "I will let my child make that decision for themselves." This approach makes you appear as an open, trusting, and accepting parent. I see it as a lack of parenting. Why would you not put the same, or much more time into teaching your child how to navigate and regulate what they see, and what they post, online?
Mrs. Hall's first priority was in the protection of her children, as it should be. If every parent's first priority was the protection of their children, I believe that many of the pictures she referred to of scantily dressed girls would not end up online. I am a firm believer that the love and support of a mom and a dad helps children in making good choices. When one or both parents are not available for children to turn to, I hope there are other good adults in their life they can rely on. Don't pretend that just because you may not have kids, that your actions and words don't influence your niece, nephew, or the teenager down the street. Your example may be more influential than a teenager's own parents.
I don't believe Mrs. Hall was being judgmental (as she was called many times in the comments.) I believe she was using sound judgment in what was best for her boys. She did not call theses girls dirty names, she referred only to the inappropriateness of the girls attire. Many people completely missed the point of her post. Possibly it touched a nerve with them? Maybe they had some embarrassing photos on FB, twitter, instagram that they needed to justify to themselves? I don't believe there are many adults that would look back at their teenage years and wish they had been more promiscuous, or more vulgar. Since we have lived through those years, and have learned much, it is our responsibility , and should be our sincere desire, to teach the rising generation to avoid the mistakes we made, and also learn how to control the impulses that readily come with the internet at their fingertips.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Music and VMA's
So my husband and I did not watch the VMA's nor would we ever willingly sit through a show watching people who don't like each other giving each other false praise. I think one of the hardest aspects of being famous would be to put on that false smile and chit chat with people you despise, whether you despise them out of jealousy, their actions, or the fact that you're forced to pretend you like them in public.
Even without watching the VMA's, I have not been able to avoid the onslaught of imagery from that night all over the internet. The filth is almost overwhelming. What surprises me even more is the media, Parent advisory board, and parents in general act shocked that performances such as Miley Cyrus's were allowed on TV. Have you never seen The Real World, 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom? What kind of morals did you think MTV had? Do you think they care if your twelve year old daughter sees Miley twerking on television? (Just as a side note, I had to look that word up on Wikipdeia. And I promise you I will punish anyone who ever tries this with one of my children.) So parents, if you know the kind of filth that comes from MTV, why pretend that you are outraged by the VMA's? It's like bringing your child into a bar and then crying foul when beer is actually served to the customers. Do you actually listen or read the lyrics of the songs that are played on MTV or popular radio stations? I do. I have to. I coach a team that performs in hundreds of venues, including schools, each year. I require our music to be clean and clear of references to swearing, drugs, and sexual innuendos. There's very little music out there now free of all three subjects. If a child is allowed to listen to this type of music regularly, their choices and actions are bound to reflect the themes of their music. There was a time in my life when my music choices were substandard. I was very naïve as a teenager and listened to certain bands because my boyfriend at the time thought they were cool. I was uncomfortable the first few times listening to the cd's. Then I just learned to block it out, or so I convinced myself I was blocking it out. Music speaks to your heart and soul. Not only good music, but terrible music as well. It blackens your heart as quickly as most anything will. Luckily, I realized the affect it was having on me before I was too numb to my own thoughts.
I've had friends and family members listen to certain types of music, but they are convinced that their children will not choose to listen to it. Really? You think that if you're eating the donut, your child is really going to choose the whole wheat bread? Risky music appears fun, loud, edgy; all the things that kids want at a young age. Even at the age of three, my young son prefers music with a loud beat. He can flip through my music on the ipod and he always picks the songs with a faster, louder, and interesting beat. I realize there will come a time when I can no longer control the type of music he chooses to listen to, but I'm hoping that my example won't aide him in making poor choices. I'm hoping I'll be the voice in the back of his mind saying, "You can do better than this. You deserve better than this."
All of our children deserve better than what MTV is providing. It shouldn't take the performances of Sunday night to speak out for the innocence of our children. Miley was raunchy long before this performance. Make the choice now to protect your children, and yourself from role models such as this. If you do listen to the type of music I am advocating against, spend just a day away from it and you will see a difference. You'll either feel the constant need to turn it on, which means you are addicted and need to make changes, or you will notice a sense of peace surround you. Your thoughts will be open to ideas that were blocked out earlier by incessant beats and vulgarity. Trust me. I've had it both ways and I much prefer my thoughts to be my own.
I've had friends and family members listen to certain types of music, but they are convinced that their children will not choose to listen to it. Really? You think that if you're eating the donut, your child is really going to choose the whole wheat bread? Risky music appears fun, loud, edgy; all the things that kids want at a young age. Even at the age of three, my young son prefers music with a loud beat. He can flip through my music on the ipod and he always picks the songs with a faster, louder, and interesting beat. I realize there will come a time when I can no longer control the type of music he chooses to listen to, but I'm hoping that my example won't aide him in making poor choices. I'm hoping I'll be the voice in the back of his mind saying, "You can do better than this. You deserve better than this."
All of our children deserve better than what MTV is providing. It shouldn't take the performances of Sunday night to speak out for the innocence of our children. Miley was raunchy long before this performance. Make the choice now to protect your children, and yourself from role models such as this. If you do listen to the type of music I am advocating against, spend just a day away from it and you will see a difference. You'll either feel the constant need to turn it on, which means you are addicted and need to make changes, or you will notice a sense of peace surround you. Your thoughts will be open to ideas that were blocked out earlier by incessant beats and vulgarity. Trust me. I've had it both ways and I much prefer my thoughts to be my own.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The Joy (and struggles) of Adoption
So adoption has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it means another adoption is in our future? I can't wrap my mind around going through that process again, but I want to. We adopted our first child in 2010. Almost 18 months after our first adoption interview, we were holding our baby boy in our arms. It was a long and very stressful process, but as I said, I would do it all again.
Adoption has a joyous outcome. The process of adoption, not so much. Most people on the outside of the process only ever see the final outcome. That beautiful baby in the parents arms. Our journey began with being chosen as adoptive parents and then a month later the young girl changed her mind, kept her baby, and then ended up placing the baby for adoption 3 months later. Our second experience, we flew to Michigan to meet a couple expecting a baby that they were placing for adoption. They chose a different couple to be the parents. A month later we were strung along by a girl who really just wanted our money and wasn't planning on placing her baby with us. I found out she had changed her mind when I showed up to her doctor's apt that she had canceled and hadn't said anything to me. All these experiences caused us to re-evaluate our situation, pray long and hard, and ultimately to go with another agency. 2 weeks after changing agencies, we were told of a little mixed race baby due at the end of July. We agreed to have our file reviewed by the mother. The baby came two weeks early and we got the call one Friday that we were chosen and needed to be in Salt Lake City in 4 hours if we wanted to keep him from going into mandatory foster care for 2 weeks. I hold no malice for the three girls we associated with prior to finally becoming adoptive parents/ They each had their own struggles and their choices to not place their babies with us were a blessing in disguise. I have no doubt that we would have loved any of those three children with all our heart, but I know without a doubt that the pain and sadness that led us to change agencies, led us to the boy that was meant to be ours. So I would not go back and wish for our journey to be an different than it was.
Now on to much brighter thoughts. Oh, how I love my little boy. I worried if I would be able to love an adopted child as my own, I worried if I would be self conscious of the fact that he did not look like me. I worried about people looking at us and wondering about our story. I now embrace all of these worries. I completely love him as my own. My heart overflows with joy every time I read him a book, take him on a bike ride, or help him count to ten. Just tonight he said, "Mommy, our skin is different." I asked him what he meant. He said, "Your skin is white, my skin is brown." What an opportunity to explain to him that we are all different, but we are all special. I love that he is different from me and he helps to open my eyes to so many different people in this world. I love that he has his own personality and yet he likes the same foods as his dad and says the same phrases. I also have loved having people ask us what our story is. In a world where we are all moving so fast from one thing to the next, people often slow down when they see a child that is obviously adopted and ask me about him. For many it is an instant connection because they have an adopted grandchild, niece or friend. They want to know your story and they care enough to ask. I love these individuals I meet.
I also love Mommy Becky. This is our little boy's birth mother. I never refer to her as his birth mother when speaking about her. She gave life to him, and I feel that miracle gives her the right to be called his mother. I am the mother who is raising him in this life and will continue with him in the next. But Becky is my special blessing who gave me something I can never repay her for. We have a picture of her in our home, and our boy knows her name and knows he was in her tummy. One day, I will support him in meeting her if he so chooses. We have a semi open adoption and I am grateful to stay in touch with her and tell her of her son's progress each year. I occasionally am asked the question of whether or not I worry of my son wishing he wasn't adopted, or if I am jealous of Becky for giving birth to him. I am lucky enough to say those are two worries I have never had with adoption. Every kid in every home wishes at one time or another that their life was different. And the fact that the night I held my baby boy in my arms and I was able to go on a walk with him and physically feel great....I was okay with not having given birth to him. 2 years after adopting I gave birth to a baby girl. After experiencing both adoption and birth, I will say that they both have their positives. Adoption is a lot less messier. I don't like messes.
Adoption has a joyous outcome. The process of adoption, not so much. Most people on the outside of the process only ever see the final outcome. That beautiful baby in the parents arms. Our journey began with being chosen as adoptive parents and then a month later the young girl changed her mind, kept her baby, and then ended up placing the baby for adoption 3 months later. Our second experience, we flew to Michigan to meet a couple expecting a baby that they were placing for adoption. They chose a different couple to be the parents. A month later we were strung along by a girl who really just wanted our money and wasn't planning on placing her baby with us. I found out she had changed her mind when I showed up to her doctor's apt that she had canceled and hadn't said anything to me. All these experiences caused us to re-evaluate our situation, pray long and hard, and ultimately to go with another agency. 2 weeks after changing agencies, we were told of a little mixed race baby due at the end of July. We agreed to have our file reviewed by the mother. The baby came two weeks early and we got the call one Friday that we were chosen and needed to be in Salt Lake City in 4 hours if we wanted to keep him from going into mandatory foster care for 2 weeks. I hold no malice for the three girls we associated with prior to finally becoming adoptive parents/ They each had their own struggles and their choices to not place their babies with us were a blessing in disguise. I have no doubt that we would have loved any of those three children with all our heart, but I know without a doubt that the pain and sadness that led us to change agencies, led us to the boy that was meant to be ours. So I would not go back and wish for our journey to be an different than it was.
Now on to much brighter thoughts. Oh, how I love my little boy. I worried if I would be able to love an adopted child as my own, I worried if I would be self conscious of the fact that he did not look like me. I worried about people looking at us and wondering about our story. I now embrace all of these worries. I completely love him as my own. My heart overflows with joy every time I read him a book, take him on a bike ride, or help him count to ten. Just tonight he said, "Mommy, our skin is different." I asked him what he meant. He said, "Your skin is white, my skin is brown." What an opportunity to explain to him that we are all different, but we are all special. I love that he is different from me and he helps to open my eyes to so many different people in this world. I love that he has his own personality and yet he likes the same foods as his dad and says the same phrases. I also have loved having people ask us what our story is. In a world where we are all moving so fast from one thing to the next, people often slow down when they see a child that is obviously adopted and ask me about him. For many it is an instant connection because they have an adopted grandchild, niece or friend. They want to know your story and they care enough to ask. I love these individuals I meet.
I also love Mommy Becky. This is our little boy's birth mother. I never refer to her as his birth mother when speaking about her. She gave life to him, and I feel that miracle gives her the right to be called his mother. I am the mother who is raising him in this life and will continue with him in the next. But Becky is my special blessing who gave me something I can never repay her for. We have a picture of her in our home, and our boy knows her name and knows he was in her tummy. One day, I will support him in meeting her if he so chooses. We have a semi open adoption and I am grateful to stay in touch with her and tell her of her son's progress each year. I occasionally am asked the question of whether or not I worry of my son wishing he wasn't adopted, or if I am jealous of Becky for giving birth to him. I am lucky enough to say those are two worries I have never had with adoption. Every kid in every home wishes at one time or another that their life was different. And the fact that the night I held my baby boy in my arms and I was able to go on a walk with him and physically feel great....I was okay with not having given birth to him. 2 years after adopting I gave birth to a baby girl. After experiencing both adoption and birth, I will say that they both have their positives. Adoption is a lot less messier. I don't like messes.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
So my first opinionated view has to do with Facebook. What a wonderful world Facebook is. I have reconnected with so many friends and have been able to visit many friends around the country/world through this connection. I love seeing pictures, family updates, and inspiring quotes.
But there is always a flipside to something this great. I like a local News Page and they post updates about the local news. Since we don't have TV, this is how I stay up on what is going on all around me. The other day there was a post about a mother being charged with a misdemeanor in the death of her baby. She had left the baby in the car in her driveway on a hot day in June. I do not know this family, but am familiar with some of the inside details as to how this mistake occurred. Many people jumped to conclusions and accused this poor mother of murdering her baby (those were the exact words of an individual on Facebook.) I attempted to stand up for the family on the post and ask that we not judge them harshly and not use the anonymity of Facebook to ridicule others. I was then torn apart for asking such a request and "telling them (the other posters) what to do." When did people become so calloused and unfeeling? My heart breaks for this family and this poor mother. Having two young children, I know how quickly you can become distracted and make mistakes. I'm just lucky that none of my mistakes have had this tragic of an outcome. All but a few of the posts on this Facebook page were mean, spiteful and similar to what a bully would say. Is this not a form of bullying? If you can sit in the comfort of your own home and spew hateful things from your laptop or smart phone towards another human being, that your don't even know, are you not a bully? This family is hurting more than most of us could ever begin to comprehend, why would you want to drive the hurt deeper? If you feel the need to speak out, say something productive. Talk about prevention of infant deaths in cars. Don't use the power of social media to harm another individual. Sure, it's only mental harm, but does that not destroy a little part of someone's soul each time an unkind rumor, word, or remark is spread? So often I will see posts in the comment section of news articles where the comment is completely off topic and it is just ripping into the person that posted ahead of them. These posts often lead me to thinking about that individual and what they must be like as a person. Sure, I have some mean things go through my head as I read about certain topics or individuals. I won't deny that. But your level of maturity and love for your fellow man comes into play when you decide whether or not what you thought needs to be read by hundreds or thousands of others. I'm hoping one day that those mean remarks won't even pass through my head, but until I'm perfect enough to control my thoughts, I'll control what I post online.
But there is always a flipside to something this great. I like a local News Page and they post updates about the local news. Since we don't have TV, this is how I stay up on what is going on all around me. The other day there was a post about a mother being charged with a misdemeanor in the death of her baby. She had left the baby in the car in her driveway on a hot day in June. I do not know this family, but am familiar with some of the inside details as to how this mistake occurred. Many people jumped to conclusions and accused this poor mother of murdering her baby (those were the exact words of an individual on Facebook.) I attempted to stand up for the family on the post and ask that we not judge them harshly and not use the anonymity of Facebook to ridicule others. I was then torn apart for asking such a request and "telling them (the other posters) what to do." When did people become so calloused and unfeeling? My heart breaks for this family and this poor mother. Having two young children, I know how quickly you can become distracted and make mistakes. I'm just lucky that none of my mistakes have had this tragic of an outcome. All but a few of the posts on this Facebook page were mean, spiteful and similar to what a bully would say. Is this not a form of bullying? If you can sit in the comfort of your own home and spew hateful things from your laptop or smart phone towards another human being, that your don't even know, are you not a bully? This family is hurting more than most of us could ever begin to comprehend, why would you want to drive the hurt deeper? If you feel the need to speak out, say something productive. Talk about prevention of infant deaths in cars. Don't use the power of social media to harm another individual. Sure, it's only mental harm, but does that not destroy a little part of someone's soul each time an unkind rumor, word, or remark is spread? So often I will see posts in the comment section of news articles where the comment is completely off topic and it is just ripping into the person that posted ahead of them. These posts often lead me to thinking about that individual and what they must be like as a person. Sure, I have some mean things go through my head as I read about certain topics or individuals. I won't deny that. But your level of maturity and love for your fellow man comes into play when you decide whether or not what you thought needs to be read by hundreds or thousands of others. I'm hoping one day that those mean remarks won't even pass through my head, but until I'm perfect enough to control my thoughts, I'll control what I post online.
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