The Joy (and struggles) of Adoption

So adoption has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it means another adoption is in our future? I can't wrap my mind around going through that process again, but I want to. We adopted our first child in 2010. Almost 18 months after our first adoption interview, we were holding our baby boy in our arms. It was a long and very stressful process, but as I said, I would do it all again.

Adoption has a joyous outcome. The process of adoption, not so much. Most people on the outside of the process only ever see the final outcome. That beautiful baby in the parents arms. Our journey began with being chosen as adoptive parents and then a month later the young girl changed her mind, kept her baby, and then ended up placing the baby for adoption 3 months later. Our second experience, we flew to Michigan to meet a couple expecting a baby that they were placing for adoption. They chose a different couple to be the parents. A month later we were strung along by a girl who really just wanted our money and wasn't planning on placing her baby with us. I found out she had changed her mind when I showed up to her doctor's apt that she had canceled and hadn't said anything to me. All these experiences caused us to re-evaluate our situation, pray long and hard, and ultimately to go with another agency. 2 weeks after changing agencies, we were told of a little mixed race baby due at the end of July. We agreed to have our file reviewed by the mother. The baby came two weeks early and we got the call one Friday that we were chosen and needed to be in Salt Lake City in 4 hours if we wanted to keep him from going into mandatory foster care for 2 weeks. I hold no malice for the three girls we associated with prior to finally becoming adoptive parents/ They each had their own struggles and their choices to not place their babies with us were a blessing in disguise. I have no doubt that we would have loved any of those three children with all our heart, but I know without a doubt that the pain and sadness that led us to change agencies, led us to the boy that was meant to be ours. So I would not go back and wish for our journey to be an different than it was.

Now on to much brighter thoughts. Oh, how I love my little boy. I worried if I would be able to love an adopted child as my own, I worried if I would be self conscious of the fact that he did not look like me. I worried about people looking at us and wondering about our story. I now embrace all of these worries. I completely love him as my own. My heart overflows with joy every time I read him a book, take him on a bike ride, or help him count to ten. Just tonight he said, "Mommy, our skin is different." I asked him what he meant. He said, "Your skin is white, my skin is brown." What an opportunity to explain to him that we are all different, but we are all special. I love that he is different from me and he helps to open my eyes to so many different people in this world. I love that he has his own personality and yet he likes the same foods as his dad and says the same phrases. I also have loved having people ask us what our story is. In a world where we are all moving so fast from one thing to the next, people often slow down when they see a child that is obviously adopted and ask me about him. For many it is an instant connection because they have an adopted grandchild, niece or friend. They want to know your story and they care enough to ask. I love these individuals I meet.

I also love Mommy Becky. This is our little boy's birth mother. I never refer to her as his birth mother when speaking about her. She gave life to him, and I feel that miracle gives her the right to be called his mother. I am the mother who is raising him in this life and will continue with him in the next. But Becky is my special blessing who gave me something I can never repay her for. We have a picture of her in our home, and our boy knows her name and knows he was in her tummy. One day, I will support him in meeting her if he so chooses. We have a semi open adoption and I am grateful to stay in touch with her and tell her of her son's progress each year. I occasionally am asked the question of whether or not I worry of my son wishing he wasn't adopted, or if I am jealous of Becky for giving birth to him. I am lucky enough to say those are two worries I have never had with adoption. Every kid in every home wishes at one time or another that their life was different. And the fact that the night I held my baby boy in my arms and I was able to go on a walk with him and physically feel great....I was okay with not having given birth to him. 2 years after adopting I gave birth to a baby girl. After experiencing both adoption and birth, I will say that they both have their positives. Adoption is a lot less messier. I don't like messes.